Things I learned during my thesis; reframing failures

Halfway through my thesis, a tremendous amount of energy, effort, time, and stress are consumed out of me (Most of my thesis peers may resonate with me in these thoughts). Especially now, when a lot of people are going through difficult times while courageously fighting with emotional storms such as feelings of failure, frustrations, anxiety, uncertainty and despair. Hence, I am writing this journal on behalf of my thesis peers who face hardships and uncertainty.

*This is not a complaint journal, but a journal that evokes my reflection, growth, and progress in reframing failures.

As I am walking through the last semester of my whole school year, I encountered a blank paper that says none of my next steps. And I’m lost.

These are the things I deal with everyday;

1. Working on my thesis; you’re thinking about it 24/7. So, no days off.
2. Also working on two other courses that require a massive amount of readings and writings. And the professors expectation is pretty high
3. Part-time; working as a barista, at least 13 hrs a week.
4. Looking for a full-time job; includes working on a resume and portfolio; so that you’d be able to afford to live in this expensive city, a place that has no mercy for students or rookies who are taking the first step into a ‘real world.’
5. Life; hardships
6. (All that jazz..)

If you actually spend time sitting down to write down about the things you’re dealing with at this moment, the list only gets longer and longer. I’m rooting for all college/uni students facing the same struggles as me.

With all the struggles collapsing, one day, it hit me so hard that I literally couldn’t do anything. Everything became overwhelming, and I felt like I was only in this state because I was not enough. I applied to many different companies for internships, yet, only receiving a bunch of rejection emails and ghostings in return. And yeah, that hit me harder. This feeling of failure and uncertainty gets worse after all your hard work. I’ve spent countless hours studying design, conducting projects, joining competitions, building a portfolio, and simultaneously working hard on school projects.

I just felt like my hard work was worth nothing.

However, after going through a moment of emotional chaos, I realized something. I learned to be happy, along with my vulnerability, weaknesses, and failures (Still learning).

I may feel vulnerable and weak sometimes, or see myself lost due to emotional highs and lows, but that’s me. I can be dumb or bad-tempered at times but, I don’t want to hate myself for that because if that’s a line that I would have to pass to be happy, I think that’s just so cruel.

People live with flaws, and that’s how we live

(without the flaws, there’s no growth or realization). You don’t always have to show a glamorous side of yourself. Isn’t it tiring? Well, at least I find it overly tiring. If I want to be understood, I learn to understand others. I learn to appreciate others’ imperfections. It’s not that you wish people to accept you no matter what you do or how you act. But, knowing who you are and realizing your weaknesses and flaws could be a starting point of growing and learning to be a better person to harmonize with your loved ones.

Don’t hate your weaknesses and flaws; they nurture you to be a better and stronger person and teach you how to reframe failures.

Be ‘you’!